


My Bucket-list with Dean Winchester

by sulfur_socks (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awkward Flirting, Bad Blood, Bitter Castiel, Cas and birdy friends, Castiel/Dean Winchester UST, Domestic Castiel, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Domestic Dean Winchester, Domestic Fluff, Drama, M/M, Mild Language, Philosophy, Sam the understanding bro, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, ice cream fluff, mention of car sex, mostly Dean-centric, sammy the cock block, softie Cas, softie dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 04:29:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2940239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sulfur_socks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>D: ‘Hey. U thr yet?’<br/>C: ‘I am. Where are you?’<br/>D: ‘Wait a mo. I’ll b thr.’<br/>C: ‘Okay. Please make it fast :/’<br/>Dean chuckled heartily at the emoticon because it eerily looked like Cas.<br/>This is a story about a certain Angel of Thursday who uncovers the secrets of Mother Earth whilst falling, no...crashing in love with a broken Hunter, Dean Winchester. Will they realize the boon before it becomes a curse?<br/>EDIT: THIS HAS A GERMAN TRANSLATION NOW YAY!!!! IT'S BY LOVELY TERRIBLE NOISES <a href="https://m.wattpad.com/94113463-my-bucketlist-with-dean-winchester-kapitel-1"> here! </a></p>
            </blockquote>





	My Bucket-list with Dean Winchester

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lady_of_the_Flies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_of_the_Flies/gifts).



> I hid a piece of ' Pet Sematry' reference in here!~ a digital cookie to the one who finds it!  
> Its SU but not exactly following the storyline.  
> Oh. and Sam's a riot ;)

**The Bucket-list with Dean Winchester.**

“Dean, can we go to the zoo?”

Dean looked up, startled seeing the Angel sitting on the couch. _Odd._ The Angel always appeared right up in his personal bubble, maybe he learned not to after all.

“Why the zoo?”

He asked, raising an eyebrow. He’d understand if a plain old joe wanted to but Cas was a friggin’ angel who’d seen the beginning of the earth. Why would he want to visit a place which locks up animals?

“I have never visited a zoo before. Would you mind taking me to one?”

Cas asked again looking at Dean in a very earnest way, contrast with his usual angelic stoniness.

Dean was going to say no because it was creepy taking a full-grown man, in this case an angel to a zoo.

“Yeah… fine, this Sunday.”

He heard himself agreeing, like his mind and body had been separated or something. _He has to tell Cas he’s busy or something._

“Thank you Dean, this means a lot to me.”

Although the response was plain, the Angel’s face said otherwise. The weariness and darkness lifted off his face just for a moment making him light up like a child on Christmas. His sad blue but sharp eyes were full of mirth and stars and a small half-smile graced his lips.

Dean realized he was holding his breath and his chest, constricted. He had never seen Cas like this since three years ago…Hell, that was nothing compared to this. It was sad when he realized that their lives didn’t have enough moments like this.

 Well the blame for that should be taken by Heaven, Hell and God.

He couldn’t bring himself to say ‘no’. He was already deep in this shit in t-minus micro-nano seconds.

“Don’t mention it.”

Is what he said instead of a ‘no’, all the while grinning instead of having a bitch-fit.

****

“Dean?”

“Cas?”

“Why are the people taking videos of the flamingo?”

Dean looked away from the pink feathered creature and looked at the Angel with a raised brow.

“That’s ‘cause…well according to the tour guide it’s mating season and the people think it’s _‘valiant’_ and _‘beautiful’_ seeing it _‘call for a mate’_ ”

He said sarcastically with a lop-sided grin. Cas like the feathered brain he is, tilted his head like a baby sparrow and he squinted his eyes.

“I do not understand… _why_ would they come to that conclusion? It is using perverse words to describe the crowd.”

Dean barked a laugh and clapped Cas’s shoulder.

“I think that’s because they don’t speak bird like you buddy.”

Cas just smiled at that and simply said,

“I see.”

***

“Cas…you okay?”

Cas tore his eyes away from the huge bird cage and looked at Dean. While his face remained nonchalant, his eyes were troubled.

“I’m fine.”

Lie was so naked, even a dumbass would have realized it was one. Dean pretended he did not hear the hesitance and shrugged. He glanced briefly at the bird cage, knowing the source of Cas’s troubles.

“You gotta try the pies they sell next to the reptile house.”

He said with a tight smile, feeling very much like a dickwad. Cas frowned and added uncertainly.

“Isn’t that unhygienic?”

***

The sun had set by the time the day’s activities were over. Dean excused himself to go to the loo, telling Cas to wait for him near the bird cage after he was done with his slices of pie. Turns out that Cas has a massive sweet tooth, and he loves cherry pie. The magic of cherry pie vanished for a moment as he did not look thrilled by the idea of waiting near the cage but he relented.

It was now time for Dean to do something which had been gnawing at him since he saw the Angel looking at the bird cage.

Dean pick-pocketed an unsuspecting zoo-keeper for the required key and crept slowly towards the looming bird cage.

 He shimmied through a mossy niche which lead to the pad-locked entrance of the cage. He fit a fat rusted-silver key into an equally rusted lock and jiggled it till the lock gave up with a click. Instead of opening the door immediately, he kept it closed and texted Cas. One thing the Angel had learnt about humanity quite decently was texting, Dean wouldn’t admit out loud but the Angel was way better at it than the Hunter.

D: _‘Hey. U thr yet?’_

C: _‘I am. Where are you?’_

D: _‘Wait a mo. I’ll b thr.’_

C: _‘Okay. Please make it fast :/’_

Dean chuckled heartily at the emoticon because it eerily looked like Cas.

D: _‘Ur stnding in frnt of the cage right?’_

C: _‘Yes I am. Why?’_

D: _‘Gud.’_

Dean opened the old chain-link door with a creak and squeezed himself hurriedly out of the niche. He heard flutters of wings and looked up to see a potpourri of colours and feathers. He smiled at the different array of feathers. It reminded him of a certain Angel. When he heard an indignant groan and footsteps getting closer to the crime scene He resumed jogging at a more rushed pace and went around to meet Cas at the opposite side.

He knew Cas would be happy but he did not expect what he saw.

Cas was looking longingly at the birds with a wistful smile. When Dean moved closer, he heard soft whispers, caressing and painfully sad. When he crept closer, he realized the whispers weren’t in English. It was in Enochian. He blinked and stopped a moment when he saw something, he could not believe. He thought he was imagining things but when he moved closer, there could be no mistake: A solitary tear ran down Cas’s cheek.

When Cas noticed Dean, he hastily wiped it off. Dean could have stopped a few feet away and offer Cas a lop-sided grin, acting like he did not see him cry but the day was full of surprises.

He stood shoulder-to-shoulder with Cas and looked up at the marvel of pastel shades while all around them zoo-keepers went manic and the crowd went gaga.

When the skies cleared, only left now with a waxing moon and Prussian blue oceans, he looked down at the Angel, a soft smile gracing his face.

When Cas looked up at him, he was sure his breath was caught in his throat. The Angel’s face was blessed with grace, not the ball of energy grace, the grace of benediction. He was smiling at Dean with so much reverence and adoration, that the hunter thought he did not deserve it. Cas’s eyes were like softs swirls of June skies, glistening with emotion.

He knew Dean had let the birds free.

“Thank you Dean.”

Was all Cas said but Dean thought that was more than enough.

*****************************************

Dean barrelled through the bunker’s entrance and shut the door unceremoniously.

The noise roused Sam from the laptop, sitting on a beanbag near the fireplace,who walked up to Dean with his hands on his hips like a chastising mother.

“Dean. Where _were_ you? I found an easy Wendigo hunt in Missouri,ganked it myself. Though…”

He showed a bandaged up arm.

“….I could have used some help.”

Dean snorted. His brother had died on several occasions and a boo-boo on his arm is a concern. Damn Sammy.

“Don’t be such a big baby Sammy, it’s just a scratch. For your information, I was _busy_.”

Dean retorted crossing his arms across his chest.

“Oh _really_? What were you doing?”

Sam drawled disbelievingly with a raised eyebrow.

“I went to the zoo-”

Dean started but was immediately interrupted by his obnoxious brother.

“How can you be _busy_ in a zoo? I thought you swore you wouldn’t go to zoos ever again?”

“Well what you thought was certainly not what I thought.”

Dean snapped testily tapping his boot clad foot on the linoleum.

“Well after that gnome and skin-walker mix up we had to clear in a zoo and when you almost slept with a gno-”

“Gee thanks for reminding me Sammy.”

Dean quipped sarcastically, rolling his eyes in frustration. He did not have to be reminded of almost sleeping with a short hairy potato.

Sam pursed his lips and donned a bitch-face.

“Dean. If you were screwing around with a poor girl-”

“He said he’s never been to zoo.”

The older Winchester interrupted yet again, glaring at his younger brother.

“Who?”

Sam asked quizzically, but it was universally obvious that he knew an inkling of who that was.

“I took _Cas_ to the zoo.”

Dean enunciated each word, walking towards the kitchen, bee-lining to the refrigerator.

“Why the zoo?”

Sam said unconsciously echoing the Older Winchester’s question to the Angel earlier, genuinely confused for once. Dean wanted to bask in the glory of the moment, but he suppressed it with a smirk and a shrug of shoulders.

“Like hell I know, asked the same thing.”

“And you’re not the least bit curious.”

Sam stated suspiciously, eyeing his brother sharply.

“Why can’t someone _just go_ to the zoo because they’ve never _been_ to one?”

Dean groused, waving his hands frantically to make his brother understand.

“That would be the case, if it wasn’t Cas.”

Sam said patiently, waiting for it to click in his brother’s brain.

“Why _not_?”

Dean bit out, all the while grabbing a bottle of beer from the fridge.

“Because he’s an angel! Why would he want to visit a place which imprisons animals?”

Sam eerily asked the same question which Dean had asked himself just eighteen hours ago.

“I _already_ asked him _why_. Would you drop it already?”

Dean said with an annoyed grunt. He snapped the top of the beer bottle off on the kitchen counter and took a swig. The silent question being: _Did he answer the why?_ Rang silently in the air but was thoroughly ignored. Sam opened his mouth to say something but shut it and sighed, that meant his brother is going to interrogate him sooner or later.

Dean raised his bottle of beer in gratitude, and chugged another hearty amount of the malty goodness.

*****************************************

“Who is Ben and Jerry?”

Dean jumped in reflex and hit his head on the roof of Baby, hissing and cursing and rubbing his head.

 It’s not like he wasn’t used to Cas just randomly popping over, but his in-built hunter instincts were hardwired firmly to his soul. And the Angel has never, in the span of forever, appeared in the garage.

“Dammit Cas! A little warning?”

Dean said with annoyed frown, tapping the jack on the makeshift table next to the car.

“My apologies...”

ThoughCas apologized, he didn’t sound very sorry, in fact he sounded pretty smug. That cheeky Son of bitch.

“Who is Ben and Jerry?”

Cas repeated, clearly showing off his brilliant social skills. The hunter sighed.

“Really Cas?”

Dean said giving him a hairy eyeball. Cas frowned and looked like he was going to plunge deep into thought, searching for what he told wrong. Dean rolled his eyes exasperatedly.

“Ben and Jerry are legends.”

Dean said, pulling Cas out his thoughts with a cheek-ache grin which replaced his frown.

“They have modified a well-loved invention to reach its zenith of glory.”

Dean said after a dramatic pause, his grin grew wider, if that was possible.Cas looked curious while puzzle pieces clicked in his massive bird-brain.

“Do you wanna see it?”

Dean asked, and then bit his tongue before he could say more. He wanted to show the Angel pictures of him and Sam having a tub of ‘ _chunky monkey’_ but the way his question was said, it would give anyone a different idea

“I would really like to. Would you mind taking me?”

The lilt in the question resembled so much like an eight year old asking for an extra cookie.Taking an Angel to the zoo.A-okay.To an icecream parlour? This is _not_ a chick-flick and he is _not_ Gerard Butler and Cas is not Julia Freaking Roberts.

“Yeah, no prob’, gotta date in mind? How about Tomorrow, kinda busy with Baby now.”

He said feeling the beginnings of goofy grin poking at his cheeks.

The spanner is right there, he should cave in his noggin.

“That would be well appreciated, Dean.”

Cas said with a small smile and twinkle in his eyes. Now he had a full-fledged goofy grin, his cheeks aching by the sheer size of it.

No. he should cave in the Angel’s noggin.

****

“It is just ice-cream?”

Cas asked with a disapproving frown directed at Dean. Dean rolled his eyes in response.

“ _Just_ ice-cream? I’m gonna make you take that back, Cas.”

Dean said with a Mephistophelean grin. Cas answered with a small smile, bordering on smirk.

“I would like to see you persevere to.”

“Geez…guys! Quit flirting!! I already feel like a _third-wheel._ ”

Sam complained from the back, his voice bordering on ‘ _I’m tired of it!’_ triggering the jingle of bells as he opened the door. Dean smacked the backside of his brother’s head and ignored the jab. Cas just looked confused for the whole ordeal.

They walked over to the assortment of ice-creams in metal tubs stacked for display in the refrigerated glass domes. The names of the respective ice-creams were taped above each tub.

Sam quickly chose vanilla bean ice-cream and walked over to a table situated outside the establishment, in a quiet corner. Dean rolled his eyes at his brother’s choice and turned back to the counter to see Cas looking intently at the ice-creams, eyes darting over each one occasionally.

His hands were pressed to glass, he was ducking down so that he was eye-level with the tubs. The Hunter cleared his throat awkwardly. The Angel looked up inquiringly, standing up.

“So did you decide?”

Dean asked with a raised eyebrow. Cas frowned deep in thought.

“I haven’t had frozen cream before…Would you like to recommend something?”

Dean blinked and one of his eyes twitched.

“Dammit. You sound like Siri.”

He said, narrowing his eyes in attempt to get rid of a scenario which starts with the Angel saying something like that and what entails is galaxies different from what was happening.

“Who’s Si-”

“Never-mind…”

Dean cut Cas off and waved his hand in the vague direction of the ice-cream.

“Why don’t you try Chocolate Peanut Buttery Swirl?”

Cas frowned at the suggestion and pointed to a tub with swirls of red.

“I want scoops of Cherry Garcia.”

Dean stared and then sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Why the fuck did you ask for my suggestion then?”

The lady behind the counter gave him a chastising look after he swore and he ignored it with a snort. Cas’s lips quirked a bit upwards on seeing the Hunter’s childish reaction.

“I just wanted a suggestion to start out with, and yours did not sound very appealing.”

“Yeah and ‘ _Cherry Garcia_ ’ does. That sounds like a freakin’ hooker’s name.”

Cas narrowed his eyes, which seemed to scream, _‘humans and their annoying norms’_. He then straightened himself and raised an eyebrow. When the Angel adopted that humanly gesture, Dean did not know.

“The combination of chocolate and peanut butter sounds very…”

Cas frowned, searching for the right word.

“…Unsavoury.”

“Let’s see you say that after you take a glimpse of it.”

The Hunter said with a challenging lop-sided grin. Cas lips twitched into that earlier half smile which almost resembled a smirk.

“Bring….uhm, what do humans say again?”

Cas said with a thoughtful frown, he looked up at Dean again, a metaphorical bulb pinging to life above his head.

“Ah yes…Bring it on.”

Cas said triumphantly, smiling softly at Dean. The Hunter patted his shoulder, and grinned, turning towards the lady from earlier to order.

****

“Aughf.Thishishshogoojsch…Itsch beig sho lawngh sincsch I haj Benja Jerriesch.”

Dean marvelled with a mouth full of chocolate and peanut butter ice-cream much to Sam’s disgust.

Castiel had finished his scoop of Cherry ice-cream, sitting quiet and patient. That was obviously a façade because Dean and Sam saw him sneaking looks at Dean’s multiple scoops of frozen delight.

“Cas?”

Dean asked after swallowing, looking at Cas with concern.

“Mm?”

Cas looked up blinking. Dean looked at his bowl of ice-cream and then to Cas. He pushed the bowl in a way that it was situated in between Cas and Dean. Cas looked questioningly at Dean and Sam looked fifty shades uncomfortable.

“You can have mine; I promise I won’t tell ‘I told you so.’”

The Hunter said with a grin.Cas looked conflicted. His azure eyes darted from the ice-cream to Dean and back again.

“But it is-”

“It’s fine, you’ve never had ice-cream before have you? And well…My favourite desert is pie anyway.”

Dean said; his grin faded off to reveal a warm smile.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Sam gaped at the exchange, not believing his brother. As much as it was true that pie was Dean’s favourite, he never shares his food with anyone or anything, be it a date or someone he wants to get laid with.

Not to forget the fact that the Younger Winchester is not comfortable in his skin at all in the moment. He looked down at his empty bowl of ice-cream and sighed.

Feeling awkward, the Younger Winchester excused himself, telling his brother and the Angel that he was going to be looking at the ‘wall of fame’ and they should give him a call after they are done. Dean just rolled his eyes at his brother’s supposed nerd-ness, oblivious to the real reasonfor his departure and waved his hand in dismissal.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

“You do not know how much I appreciate this.”

Cas said looking at Dean with a smile, not a half-smile or a small one, a real one albeit subtle. The smile faded, though as the Angel looked like he went into deep thought.

“It is your cup of ice-cream too, I reckon we should share it.”

Cas said nodding to himself and then looking at the Hunter for a response. Dean cleared his throat.

“Sammy would never let that go…You can eat it yourself.”

Dean said with an awkward smile which resembled a grimace, remembering all the times his brother has been a little more than subtle about him and the Angel.

“He would not let go of what? I’d feel awfully guilty, I already have-”

Cas stopped himself and sighed heavily, his head shaking.

“And just to remind you, Sam has gone to see ‘the wall of fame.’”

Cas said sceptically, adding a sarcastic ring to the ‘fame’.

Dean chuckled, patting Cas’s back.

“You have learnt well young padawan.”

That just earned him a glare and a ‘go on’ look he’d seen his ex-girlfriends make when they had wanted an answer (which will please them.) to a question the Hunter blatantly ignored.

It’s pretty screwed up that he’d just made a comparison between the pissy Angel and his exes when they were pissy. Nope. Not going there.

“Geez…Don’t blame me if I eat more than my share.”

Dean muttered, annoyed as he picked up his abandoned spoon and speared into a scoop of ice-cream. Cas smiled and followed suit.

****

Cas looked at the swirls of chocolate and peanut butter whilst giving a hairy eyeball to the latter in the mix. His spoon was stuck on a mound of ice-cream, he made no move to pluck it out.

Dean looked over at Cas with an exasperated look.

“You gonna eat that or not?”

“…………”

No response.

“‘Cause I’m hungry.”

“….........”

Cas just kept staring hard at the ice-cream like it had grown feet and was doing the salsa. Dean wanted bash his head into the table. Unfortunately, the table was glass. Even if he’s running a credit-card scam, he isn’t rich.

Dean sighed, and pried Cas’s fingers of his spoon and took it. Cas looked at him in alarm but Dean just scooped up some ice-cream and held it in front of Cas’s face.

“Open up.”

Cas raised an eyebrow.

“There is no nee-jefgh.”

Cas blinked in surprise as Dean stuffed the spoon in his mouth.

 For a moment everything went still. Cas was non-responsive and Dean was beginning to think this was a really bad idea. As he was pulling his hand away, the Angel interrupted its course by placing a hand on his gently, almost as if to calm him.Cas slowly removed his hand and used it to sign a pausing signal.

Without any warning,he was violently surprised by a horrid mouthful of peanut butter, chocolate and coldness. Soon after, the spoon was pulled, agile out of the Angel’s mouth. He swallowed the brown gunk and his lips screwed up, resembling a cat’s bottom. He glared at Dean who took that as an opening and dumped another scoop of the dreaded ice-cream into his indignant mouth. The said Hunter was grinning cheekily, repeating the ritual and going for another volley.

“So you really don’t like chocolate and peanut butter eh? Too bad.”

Dean said, not sounding very sympathetic at all.

Cas, being a quiet son-of-a-bitch, while Dean was scooping a generous amount of his ice-behemoth, scooped remnants of melted cherry ice-cream and the scooped up some unpleasant chocolate-peanut butter goodness. As soon as Dean looked up, ready with his ammo, opening his mouth to say something; Cas, with precise timing, shot the mixture of cherry-chocolate-peanut butter tundra into the Hunter’s mouth.

Dean’s eyes widened and made a face which resembled a ginger-eating monkey. But while Cas smiled triumphantly, Dean took the opportunity to tackle Cas to the ground scooping a large glob of ice-cream with his hand and stuffed it into the Angels mouth in one go.

Cas’s sapphire orbed eyes widened and the Angel was about to push Dean off when both of them realized something: Dean was ‘invading’ his ‘personal space’.  
*****************************************

Castiel was surprised that Dean actually agreed to accompany him to a place not of importance to a hunt or another apocalypse.

 The last time this happened, Castiel thought it was going to be his last day on earth, and Dean suggested that he’d take him out. But nothing like what he was currently caught in had ever happened between them, not in the six years they’ve known each other.

They were both frozen in time with the Angel donning a look of surprise and the Hunter wore a mask of impassiveness but had something strange flitting in his forest green eyes. It was strange, but it was not displeasing. It was a look he’s never seen the Hunter giving him before and yet it was so Dean. He had to discount the strange feeling in his stomach as uncomfortable, yet pleasant; if that was possible. The human body and emotion is indeed a mystery, he still hasn’t figured its quirks.

 The Hunter had framed the Angel’s waist between his legs, calloused hands trapping each of his slight wrists, respectively. One was sticky from ice-cream, but neither of them took heed of that. His back was inclined, his face inches away from the Angel’s. Even though Castiel did not have any need of respiration, he seemed to be breathing hard, breathing in the same air as Dean.

 The warmth that enveloped him was protective and filled with something else he could not identify. The air scented with leather, cheap cologne and musk with an undertone of gun-powder: Dean.

 Both of them did not seem to realize that Castiel, being an angel who could easily get out of the Hunter’s vice-like grip was not resisting the hold.

 Dean’s palms, roughened from battle and chores moved in a mesmerising pattern around his wrists, which made Castiel’s eyelids flutter involuntarily.

Working to get his bearings back, the Angel opened his mouth to ask for what, he did not know. Castiel’s eyes flickered towards Dean’s face and realized that the Hunter wasn’t looking at him. His intense gaze was focused on the Angel’s lips.

Castiel’s borrowed breath stuttered abruptly in response. Dean eyes flicked up to meet his, the green of his eyes looking neon in the shadows.

His breath was warm and damp on the Angel’s face, the distance between their faces seemed to have been eaten by the tension crackling in the charged air. The Hunter’s face was now a mere inch from the  Angel’s, shadows of a new emotion sharpening the angles of his face.

The tension broke with an audible _crack_ when an annoyingly loud and brash noise squealed harshly emanated from Dean’s jacket. It ultimately gave both of them a rude surprise and Dean roughly swore and fell ingloriously onto the unsuspecting Angel. Though Castiel would obviously feel no pain; due to him being unpleasantly surprised, he let out an awkward and extremely embarassing noise which was between a squeak and an _‘oof’_ when the Hunter’s body slammed on to him gracelessly. Though, if he extrapolated further, the reason he was surprised was because Dean was leaning _slowly_ towards him, most precisely his face, he was shocked, though not in a rotten sense. It seemed quite pleasing and annoying that the brash Hunter was suddenly being slow by his own volition. But then, the ceremony crashed violently after an abruptly perky and annoying noise screamed its way into the electric silence like knife cutting through butter and the pace at which Dean was moving suddenly increased. He realized too late the Hunter had lost balance and now his wide green eyes were scant centimetres away from his. He must have looked surprised as well because Dean chuckled briefly, and his heart-beat which was in a quick staccato for his age slowed. The fact that the Hunter’s chest is over his shouldn’t faze him at all, and yet his borrowed heart was beating in harmony to the din in Dean’s chest. He briefly wondered why.

Due to the prolonged buzzing and muffled scream of what was actually the Hunter’s phone caused Dean to sigh heavily. His palms, which were formerly over the Angel’s wrists, were now over his palms, the Hunter’s fingers caught in the spaces between the Angel’s, for some odd reason. For some odd reason, it also caused him to fight a smile.

He pushed himself off Castiel, digging in his jacket and cursing simultaneously. He leaned against the glass table and finally picked out his phone victoriously.

“Sammy?”

Dean looked confused as to why a call had been made when his brother had only left a little more than half an hour ago.

The pleasant weight that lifted off the Angel left him quite cold, not in a physical or spiritual way but he still shivered. He got off the ground methodically, dusting mud that was nowhere to be seen.

“Sam, a minute…”

Dean cut off his brother and turned towards the Angel. He covered the speaker of the phone with one hand and looked Castiel in the eye, though he looked like he did not want to, ashamed of something.

“Cas…uh…I shouldn’t have-”

“You don’t have to apologise Dean.”

The Angel interrupted; the corners of his lips twitched upwards a little. Dean looked flabbergasted.

“But dude, didn’t you feel-”

The Angel wanted to chuckle at Dean’s expression but he refrained. Dean might have bad table manners, and can be a tad bit promiscuous, but underneath it all he was quite the gentleman.

“I did not mind it.” I liked it.

Castiel said, now a soft, amusing smile gracing his face. Dean just blinked, and then donned a lop-sided grin, his eyes crinkling. Just for a moment the stolen warmth returned.

He pointed at the phone with an annoyed expression and rolled his eyes, causing the Angel to shake his head at Dean’s insufferable behaviour, though fondly and raised his eyebrows signalling a ‘ _why are you making your brother wait for so long?’_ Dean shrugged and threw a smirk at him, removing his hand from the speaker and putting it to his ear again.

“Hey again.”

Dean started with a cheer in his voice and smile on his lips. But as the conversation went on, Dean’s smile faded, much to the Angel’s chagrin. Castiel looked down at his shoes after that, not wanting to be a, as humans say a _‘peeping Tom’._ When was good news ever conveyed between the brothers?  
“….Specifically where and when I want to take a fucking break?!”

Castiel looked up questioningly at Dean due to the sudden raise of his voice. Dean was a thundercloud at the moment, his green eyes turning a shade darker, the forest green turning into swirling pools of teal.

“Damn Sammy! You were the one sayin' I needed a break! Then you go find a FUCKING CASE.”

 The Hunter growled irritably, the sound closely resembling a grizzly bear’s.

Castiel felt something unpleasant as soon as heard the word ‘case’. Books seemed to describe this pesky feeling as _‘one’s heart sinking’_ but for Castiel, he felt it in his grace. That would mean the same thing though, seeing as humans seemed to frequently confuse their hearts with their souls.

The Hunter seemed to calm after a moment, though storm clouds still hung over his face.

“Yeah, yeah, I know that dammit…It’s just that-”

Dean flicked his eyes over to Cas, his troubled gaze softening with something akin to sadness. He looked away immediately and his voice turned exasperated.

“….Never mind… I’ll get there in fifteen minutes tops. Damn……Shuddup bitch…Yeah, yeah.”

Dean sighed once more, this one with more volume; stuffing the phone back into his jacket. He looked over at the Angel and cleared his throat.

“I- ehh…I’m sorry…”

Dean said , rubbing the back of his head, the atmosphere which was electric was now heavy with awkwardness.

“What for?”

Castiel was compelled to ask, he was feeling the _‘heart sinking’_ feeling again, only much worse.

“A hunt cropped up and…”

“…I heard.”

Castiel interrupted, his answer clipped. Dean rubbed his hand over his face wearily and looked pleadingly at the Angel.

“Look, Cas I really wanted to-”

“It’s okay Dean, you don’t have to explain yourself.”

The words sounded amicable, but he sounded quite bitter for some reason. He knew rationally it wasn’t Dean’s fault that he was needed on a hunt, being a hunter; in fact he was one of the only people along with Sam who understands Dean’s need for hunting. This wasn’t the first occasion duty called either. He has taken off many a time too, without a warning or farewell. But he still felt something heavy trapping him, making his wings feel soaked.

Maybe it was because something was different this time. The difference was not only the feeling of warmth and goodness...maybe love but, something else. This something was and _is not_ a mystery.

This something is a thing he knows yet he does not accept.  A _something_ that wants to keep him as far from the Hunter as possible and yet makes the Angel want to hold on to him as tight with all his strength. This something hangs between mortality and immortality taunting him with irony. It makes him want to rejoice and cry. It was something he knew before falling willingly towards it.

And so Castiel finds himself in dilemma as to why a problem so _human_ should care to fall upon him. He used to take time for granted, being a creature of light and eternity, now he curses and damns his naivety, thinking that all good things come for granted.

It was actually pretty hilarious; in a twisted way that five measly years on earth mean more to him than thousands of years in heaven. It scares him that he has to hold back hysterical laughs when hears about how humans want to go to heaven.

They do not know the beautiful, flawed wonders of the earth until they depart. The earth had evolved from a piece of a star corpse engulfed in molten lava to something mystical, more profound.

That is why humans have short life-spans. Not because they are inferior to Angels. They might not have the power to smite and fly, but the psyche of humans and angels are scarily alike. It makes him wonder whether this is one of God’s cruel innuendos, to as humans say, ‘spice things up.’ It is ironical that he has finally realized an answer, out of many so late, and yet it was there hidden in plain sight all this time.

This might be why he can’t keep the longing out of his mind, making acceptance bitter and cold.

“I don’t need an apology.”

The words came out more soft and broken than he intended them to be.

Dean opened his mouth to say something, but Castiel took flight.

*****************************************

The hunt was long and tedious and the need to be stealthy was a hassle but other than that it was up their alley. The brothers had to clear out mini Vampire nests consecutively, taking care not let the messenger of one nest escape to warn the other nests.

Unfortunately, killing a lot of vampires with a machete was not the cleanest or smoothest job.

 By the time the Winchester brothers were done and close to falling on top of their beds, they looked like they were coated in layers of super dark and chunky tomato sauce. There were also bits of what looked like flesh, but Sam vehemently refused to think about it.

“Damn, Sammy…I’d be up for some extra beefy sliders and a slice’a pie if it weren’t for those blood sucking sons of tampons.”

Dean quipped after he came out of the bathroom, most of the fugly gunk washed off, after a hot shower, judging by the steam pouring out of the bathroom door. It also meant that his brother did not leave any hot water for him.

Though, what bothered him more than his denied hot water privilege was, Dean’s quip sure was like something he’d tell, but judging by his expression and tone; it seemed forced.

Sam sighed tiredly, partly due to the exhausting hunt and because of his emotionally constipated brother.

“Dean…”

He began, but he knew he couldn’t get through his brother. Not when he’s already physically and emotionally drained for the time being.

“What?”

His brother asked sharply, as he situated himself on the tacky motel couch and switched on the television. He turned to look at the Younger Winchester with a look as if he was trying to gauge what was going on in Sam’s mind.

“Nothing…I’m-uh just gonna take a shower…”

“Oh-kay? You didn’t have to tell me that piece of very useful information I would have deduced myself though.”

Dean retorted, rolling his eyes and turning back to switch the television on.

****

Sam fell on the bed closest to him as soon as he finished washing off the flesh and blood, painting the bathroom in dabs of red and making it smell of metal and salt. He pranced into the Land of Nods as soon as his head hit the pillow, not bothering to use the blankets.

 After what felt like not a moment his eyes snapped open as soon as he heard the pop of the top of a bottle, mostly a bottle of liquid which gets you inebriated, obviously. Without a sound he rolled over and spotted the minibar in the corner next to the television wide open.

Sam wanted to groan out loud but bit his stubborn tongue when he heard the slosh of liquid in glass and the thud of glass on wood.

Sam looked towards the tacky couch and spotted his brother’s head and a bottle of amber liquid. He wanted to get up and pull the bottle, and force his brother to sleep, but even he knew that was futile.

He heard a deep growl of frustration after a moment and saw Dean getting up and storming out of the door, slamming it on the way with way too much force causing the rickety frame to rattle.

The Younger Winchester jumped up as soon as his brother was out the door, knowing where he’d go to: The bar.

Sam didn’t want a repeat of the last time Dean was at the bar. He wanted to keep his brother from them, at least for a while.

 Dean had been up for picking up a girl but then some dude was hitting on her first, all huge and tattoos and Dean, having drunk more than a fifth of two bottles of J&Ds just swung his fist, not taking a particular aim and clocked the guy’s stalk and cherries resulting in a full blown fight with that guy and his cronies.

What they didn’t expect was Dean, who was comparatively smaller to kick their ass.

 Dean had looked like he was ready for another go but Sam dragged him back to the motel, drowning out his brother slurred protests. The girl the tattoo dude was hitting on turned out to be his girlfriend and was calling the police, and the brothers had enough beef with the police to begin with to risk staying there any longer.

He had been acting weird since last Sunday, when Sam had called him over after he got a case of multiple possible demons prowling around behind a building a mile away from the ice-cream parlour. It was all _nice and dandy_ until he called Dean.

Dean had picked up on the last ring, which was very untypical of him and he was starting to get worried before his brother had finally answered.

Sam had thought the prospect of going on a hunt would have cheered his brother up because all the idleness was causing him to be restless.

What he didn’t expect was direct adverse reaction from the Older Winchester when Sam uttered the word ‘hunt’.

Dean had arrived twenty minutes after the call that day, not that tardiness was not a suit his brother never wears. He was, in fact very early, considering his past appointments. When the Younger Winchester walked towards his brother to greet him, he faltered, when he saw his brother’s dark expression. His brother seemed very volatile and pissed like the crime scene itself was shaking its ass at him like an invisible Nicki Minaj, only visible to him.

The whole hunt had progressed with Dean being a brooding storm, vanquishing enemies with an extra stab or two or using more bullets than needed.

Well, one cannot say that Dean’s enthusiasm for killing was not appreciated. They, mostly Dean finished the hunt in record time and they (again, mostly Dean) drove to the bar, for the customary celebration post-hunts. That was where they (Dean again) almost got caught with the police for drunk and disorderly.

Sam had been choosing hunts in the hearts of wilderness since then, so when they’ve finished a hunt and go back to the motel, his brother would be too tired to go to a bar. The strategy worked till now. He should have known it would be short-lived; Dean could be a stubborn mule during times like these.

Sam opened the motel room door in haste, the door slamming the inside of the room. He rushed outside but skidded to a halt when he saw his brother outside, leaning against the Impala, cradling a bottle of quarter empty Jack.

He was looking up at the sky for some reason; he had not taken any notice of Sam’s presence yet. On closer inspection, his lips seemed to be moving but the words uttered seemed to soft for Sam to hear. And then it hit Sam like an Orinco trunk.

Dean was praying. His brother only prays to one angel. Castiel.

Sam had to smile at that, his brother always said he did not love the Angel but his brother forgets love is not only about the kisses and sweet nothings. He does not want to be a judgemental bitch here so he ticks off that his brother shares something more than friendship and different from brotherhood with Castiel.

So the Younger Winchester found himself walking back toward the motel room with an ache in his cheeks due to his wide grin, quietly shutting the door.

*****************************************

Dean took a swig of whiskey, the burnished gold liquid pleasantly burning his throat, providing a getaway from reality, a rather temporary one though. It seem like his daily consumption of alcohol has removed the feeling of blurry oblivion and placed it with contemplation.

More than a fortnight ago, he began seeing changes in Cas, or maybe he’s finally having a privilege of seeing a new side of the Angel. Either way, it caught him by surprise but shockingly, he found that he liked it. A lot.

Since the moment he met Cas, they were all busy saving the world or killing some big baddie. Now that he realizes they never actually caught a break these last six years,.

Maybe that’s why he didn’t know Cas loved cherries and hated peanut butter. That he loved animals and hated seeing caged birds. He did not know that Cas thinks Baby looks like an ‘infernal beast’ (Dean was still fuming over that). It just made him resent the time he wasted not actually getting to know one of his only, no maybe only friend until now.

Both of them had kind of built a routine, going to places the Angel had not paid attention to before now. Though being the incompetent douche he is, spoilt it.

Dean was sitting on the lumpy motel couch, staring contemplatively at the questionable wallpaper, holding a bottle of alcohol. The alcohol did not seem to be enough.

He growled in frustration and left the motel room. His first thought was to go to a bar; he could use some more booze and some random chick to bang. But he already had much and the drinks have gone right to his head. In normal situations it wouldn’t stop him but his brother; the infamous cock-block booked a motel as far from civilization as possible.

So he sighed in resignation and walked towards Baby, leaning against the car, looking at the cloudless night sky with stars dotted here and there like a piece of Prussian blue cloth with holes, held in front of lamplight.

His thoughts swirled around a certain Angel of Thursday again, and before he knew it he began a silent prayer.

“Hey...uhh...Cas...I’m sorry about that day, you seemed really upset and I feel like a dick for leaving halfway from the...uh...”

He didn’t know what to categorize that day as. He most certainly will not call it a date. And he was _not_ the douchey boyfriend. He furrowed his brows in concentration and continued.

“....day off.”

It sounded stupid but oh, hell.

“You really looked happy; I shouldn’t have gone on the hunt but....well I couldn’t not-go either...Anyway I wanted to know whether you wanna... _If_ you forgive me...to go somewhere you want? If you don’t I...err...understand, but... ah...”

He started the prayer but he couldn’t finish it, he just didn’t think that far. Maybe he screwed up with Cas big time. Maybe he-

“Hello, Dean.”

The Hunter blinked in surprise, looking down to meet the Angel standing a few more feet away than usual and not quite meeting his eyes.

“Heya Cas”

Dean managed to keep his voice neutral, his lips straining a smile. Cas was fidgety and he looked uncomfortable.

“I apologize for acting so petulant, it was very inconsiderate of me. I know that hunting is essential, I shou-”

“No man...Cas...it was not your fault...You’ve never been to an ice cream shop, just to have fun and frolic. Even for me that’s sad. Heh. What kinda’ friend thinks about killing before the happiness of his friend? You don’t deserve that...so I uh...understand if you don’t wanna be friends anymore or something.”

Dean said with a bitter, self-deprecating smile. Cas looked forlornly at him, his eyebrows tilted upwards like a kicked puppy. He shook his head, his lips curving downwards. Dean opened his mouth to say something, anything. If Cas has decided that he didn’t want to see his face again, so be it but he wasn’t that big of a dick to not say goodbye to his first actual friend, someone he actually trusted excluding Sam.

“G-”

Dean was cut short when Cas walked over into his personal space and wrapped his arms around the Hunter, his head uncomfortably smushed under Dean’s chin. The Angel shook his head again, though this time it was inhibited by Dean’s neck.

“You think very little of yourself Dean...You are a good man. I am not going to sever my relationship with you over a petty frozen dairy product with a lot of preservatives.”

Cas’s voice was muffled, his arms tightened their grip on Dean. Dean coughed a surprised laugh, circling his arms around the Angel and returning the hug.

“Petty frozen- Dammit Cas, you’re too much for me.”

The Hunter said with affection. Dean frowned, _that came out very wrong_. Cas sighed exasperatedly, oblivious to Dean’s internal dilemma.

“Like I said Dean, you think very little of yourself, I think I am very privileged to be considered family by you.”

Cas said pulling away but his hand rested on Dean’s forearms, a soft smile dawning his face. It made the Hunter forget about whatever he was thinking, making him dawn a smile of his own.

He looked into Cas’s blue eyes which looks like crystal and before he knew it his face was closer to Cas’s than before. Cas did not move from his spot looking back at Dean, a half-smile resting on his lips. It is on those lips that Dean finds his lips on, soft, warm and chapped, not that he minds. He hears a gasp of surprise from Cas and expects him to move away but when the Angel responds enthusiastically, he wraps his arms tighter around Cas and pulls him closer, tilting his head to deepen the kiss.

Cas smells like rain, his hands trail up from the Hunter’s arms and card through his hair gently.

When they finally break apart after a moment or two, their faces close, both of them smile at each other affectionately.

“Woah... I...wow...Holy fuck.”

Dean exclaimed a moment later, blinking. Cas narrowed his eyes at the Hunter and then smiled mischievously.

“Do not blaspheme, Dean.”

Dean smirked back, wiggling his eyebrows. The Hunter’s arms went from circling the Angel to gripping his waist. He planted a bruising kiss on the Angel’s lips eliciting a moan, which most certainly turned him on. His tongue licked its way into the Angel’s mouth coaxing his to do the same. When they finally broke the kiss, the hunter did not refrain to make use of the break, peppering kisses down Cas’s jaw. The Angel gripped the Hunter’s hair tighter, when Dean nipped at his neck, a keening noise rumbled from the back of his throat. The Hunter paused a moment in surprise but immediately recovered before Cas could question and pressed a searing kiss on the Angel’s lips again, with more ferocity and vigour. He pushed the Angel against Baby, roughly, pulling away for a moment to look into Cas’s eyes before donning a feral grin. He pulled away, his eyes still on the Angel, his eyes burning green and merging with the cool blue ones looking at him in adoration. He dug out his car keys and fiddled with the car lock till he heard a satisfying _‘pop’_. He crossed into Cas’s space in a long stride and snaked an arm around his waist, pulling the Angel against his chest. He looked down to meet Cas’s confused frown which he simply beamed at. He opened Baby’s backdoor and pushed the Angel inside. Cas had promptly lost balance and fell with his back against the seat, pulling Dean along with him. The Hunter gripped the Angel’s hips hard, his face scant inches from Cas’s. With his breath warm and hot he put his lips to the Angel’s ear his voice, a low and deep growl.

“I’m gonna do a lotta blasphemous things to you, Angel.”

*****************************************

Castiel’s borrowed grace has almost burned out.

 His wounds weren’t healing, he could not smite. His breathing burned his borrowed lungs, his hunger for food not ceasing, yet he regurgitates it right after consumption. Every step seemed like a burden, every flight pained his tattered wings. He lost consciousness for long periods of time. He lost the sense of time. He should have told Dean, but then if he did it would not make a difference. He is dying.

He is currently fighting a spirited and hateful angel, Barathiel who seems to be very keen on killing him. He seemed to jump at the opportunity once presented as soon as he took a look at his fading grace. The angel was currently possessing a blond haired British man who looked eerily like a vessel possessed by a good friend he killed. The irony was not lost on him.

“This death is fitting for you, consorting with a human, killing an archangel? You are nothing but a traitor who’s lowered himself to status of a mud-monkey! I do not care what Hannah or Hael or anyone else for that matter says otherwise...I shall kill you and rid Heaven of your plague!”

 ‘ _So angels like this did still exist’_ Castiel mused. Even at death’s door he wasn’t given a break. It was quite unfair to be frank.

“What you don’t see brother, is that humans are quite similar to us.”  

 He gritted out as the angel screamed in indignation and charged. He parried the blow and slipped behind Barathiel, slicing one his wings in the process. Barathiel howled in pain, curling in on himself for a moment. Castiel felt a pang of guilt but tamped it down when he got up and charged after Castiel, his attempt refuelled with more hate.

 Their swords clashed and they cut and dodged but Castiel was too tired and in pain to keep up anymore. He was lucky that he managed to hack off one of  Barathiel’s wings. He dodged another blow and took flight, stumbling before gathering his bearings.

He remembers Dean’s promise of a year ago. He might as well clear his last wish on the ‘bucket list’ before his timely demise. He took flight, leaving an angry angel piercing dust.

*****************************************

“Dean, I would-”

“Cas! Fuck. What happened?”

Dean ran to him, his arms bracketing the Angel. Castiel frowned in confusion, but his confusion cleared when his vision blurred for a moment, stumbling into Dean.

“SAMMY!!! GET THE FIRST AID KIT!”

Dean shouted in panic, pressing his hand on the Angel’s stomach. Castiel, curious looked and everything went cold. His white button-up was soaked in blood, the region between the sternum and abdomen was a gaping hole. So Barathiel did manage to pierce him after all. Dean was swearing under his breath covering the wound and pressing it.

A second later Sam came running into the room, his face looking mortified when he saw the Angel.

“S-Shit, wait a sec.”

Is all he could muster before bounding out to get the kit.

“Cas...Cas...please...hang on...I-”

Dean’s voice broke and the Angel looked up to see the Hunter head was ducked. Castiel knew why. It was to hide his pain.

“I...can’t....If-If you...”

“Dean.”

Cas cradled Dean’s face in his bloody hands making Dean face him. His eyes were burning for some reason as he looked into Dean’s pained eyes. Hot tears cascaded down his cheeks when he saw Dean trying to muster up a smile for him which turned out looking like a grimace.

“Hey...Hey.”

He said putting a calloused palm on his wet cheek.

“Cas...I got you.”

Castiel felt a bit at peace at that, he knew Dean would be there as he faded away. He wanted to finish his last task though, his last wish.

“Dean.”

He said stroking the Hunter’s cheeks.

“I love you.”

Dean, pained smile dropped, hi eyes glistened.

“Cas...Cas don’t...you’re not gonna... why-”

Sam chose that as the time to bound into the room with the first aid kit, already taking out the the cloth, neddle and thread. But as soon as Sam saw him he looked demoralized. His face fell as the needle slipped from his fingers.

Castiel’s vision was fading, everything was in monochrome, _why wasn’t Dean telling anything?_  Tears were falling again now, his chest tightening, he wouldn’t get his wish after all.

“Cas...”

He looked up at Dean through the tears and felt Dean resting his forehead on his; he looked into his eyes, tears falling on the Angel’s already wet cheeks.

“I-I... love you too, Cas.”

His pained and sorrowful green eyes were grey in his failing vision and yet he felt like he could finally move on, hearing those three words. He smiled affectionately and kissed Dean’s warm, quivering lips.

“Until we meet again, Dean.”

*****************************************

                              _~Fin~_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I love you :D  
> Don't forget to leave a kudos and a comment!  
> Catch me on tumblr! The name's [the-angel-of-absinthe](http://the-angel-of-absinthe.tumblr.com/)


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